Realization Dawns!

  

This being my first blog about the big girl called- LIFE, I don’t know what to expect from it. Well, I seem to have drawn a simile here, we hardly know what to expect from life either.

A few days ago, I watched the movie ‘Shakuntala Devi’ along with my daughter. No need to say that its simply awesome in all respects. What hit me hard was the fact that all our lives, i.e. once we become parents, we see our children as our extensions. We keep on comparing them with us, their personalities with our personalities, their lives with our lives and ironically- their future with our past and present.

Its something like this conversation going on in my head,” I wasn’t good in studies in my childhood, my child better be good! I was never a lazy bum, I better not let her become a lazy bum! I was always a plump child, see how much weight I have gained now, I better not let my child put on weight!” so on and so forth.

Quite often we compare our parenting style with that of our parents. Does this happen only with me or all of you? My parents were always strict. My mother, although never hit us, was always stern. We had a respect mingled with fear for her, she kept her distance as any other parents of our times. On the other hand, my father was extremely strict, don’t know about my elder brother, but I was scared as soon as he entered the house. Especially so if I happened to score low in any exams or had any difficulty in math for which I needed his help.

Ever since I decided that I want to get married and have kids, I wanted to be a ‘better’ parent, hardly realising that parenting is simply parenting- no one can define it as being good, bad, better or best. 

By god’s Grace, I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl a few years after my marriage. 

 

She was my joy, my pride, my world, my everything! I set out on the journey of motherhood with all those ideas and notions about being a good mother if not perfect! My bundle of joy started growing up meeting all the milestones at appropriate times. A quiet, peaceful baby turned into a happy, joyful toddler! I definitely was a proud mother. Time elapsed, sometimes slow, sometimes fast, and now she’s a thriving teenager.

I was happy, I was a good mother, I was not as strict as my father but stern like my mother. I tried setting the best example for her while keeping the channels for communication open. I tried to make sure that I become her best friend and not a distant mother with whom I couldn’t share my secrets. I was constantly working on keeping the generation gap as narrow as possible. 

 Well, so far so good- you all must be wondering,” Wow, isn’t she great!” alas, the truth is always(well, mostly) bitter! My conception of the perfect, the ideal mother came crashing down- no it didn’t happen suddenly like a highly melodramatic movie- it started happening slowly.

Somewhere along the way, I realised, I had lost her, or perhaps lost myself! Lost myself- as a mother or as a person? Who was I? what was I trying to achieve by trying to be a ‘good’ mother? Philosophy and psychology have always been two of my many interests although I didn’t get a chance to study either of them. All along the way, while bringing her up, I had been thinking things over, changing my ways, adjusting as and when required. But …

What went wrong? She’s is not the teenager I intended her to be! Where did I go wrong? The joyful toddler had turned into a reserved, not so social young girl bordering between being a snob and being low on self-confidence! The full of energy, sporty small child had turned into a lethargic, avoiding physical activity youngster! A cool, quiet, smiling baby had turned into a short tempered, arrogant, revolting teenager! Oh God, please help me! 

The realisation dawned- howsoever hard we may try, we can never be perfect, ideal parents! Every child is different from another, every mother is different, every father is different. Akin to life, raising a child is a mix of the good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly! We all go through personality changes throughout our lives, our priorities, our thoughts and most importantly, our perspectives keep changing. What remains is the basic humanness of a baby, a toddler, a child, a teenager, an adult.

I’m glad and proud that my daughter is still the same good hearted, compassionate, loving human being that I always wanted her to be. And I’m sure when she grows up, she too will be a 'wonderful' mother like me!😀

"Gladly I surrender myself to love and parentage." Dr. Will Durant